WHAT WE THINK: So New Jersey ranks THIRD behind Ohio and Maryland in a study of who curses most? Can you believe this (expletive)?
No one gave much of a shine when it was released earlier this year, but a study by an ad group called the Marchex Institute that put New Jerseyans in the Top 5 of our republic’s “Most Likely to Curse” list has drawn some attention lately.
Ohio, which finished first, also made the Top 5 “Least Courteous” list.
New Jersey didn’t rank as more or less courteous in the study, which scanned keywords for “please” and “thank you” during its research (They shoulda tried “c’mon” and “f*&!#@-A, right”).
That’s because we New Jerseyans are plenty courteous — civil, even — when we need to be.
So what if we swear like sailors? Ohioans and Marylanders apparently curse like (expletive) hockey players.
Marchex’s crack research team examined more than 600,000 phone calls from the previous year made by consumers to cable and satellite companies, auto dealerships, pest control centers and dozens of other types of businesses.
It specifically scanned for curse words, then linked their frequency with all 50 states.
In the “Sailors” boat with us, Ohio and Maryland are Illinois (insert presidential joke here) and Louisiana.
Washington State led in the “Goody Two Shoes” category – states where people were least likely to swear – followed by Massachusetts, Arizona, Texas and Virginia. Well, la-di-(expletive)-da….
Four of the top five that were found to say “please” and “thank you” — surprise, surprise, surprise — South Carolina (in 1st), North Carolina, Louisiana and Georgia. The fifth is goodie-goodie Maryland. I can just picture the (expletive)-eating grins in Rockville over that one.
Two-thirds of the cursers were men. Makes sense. To us, that’s what phones are for.
But here’s an interesting tidbit: Callers were more likely to flip an f-bomb or choice sobriquet at the person on the other end in the morning than later in the day. Go (expletive) figure.
The Top 5 “Least Courteous” states were, highest to lowest: Wisconsin, Massachusetts, Indiana, Tennessee (?) … along with those (expletives) from Ohio.
So should we New Jerseyans be proud of only showing instead of winning this horse race? Beats the (expletive) outta me. We probably paid out little, given what the odds going in must have been.
After all, we’re the state that made slapping your palm into the crook of your bended arm — what we of Sicilian heritage call gesto dell’ombrello (“the umbrella gesture”) — a recognized driving signal that tells the nitwit on the cellphone in the Suburban next to you that this lane is yours, pal, keep movin’….
I’ll bet we’re also responsible for first invoking the posterior of someone’s sister when we whack or heads on a car trunk or our thumbs with a hammer.
(Wait a second. What’s Wisconsin got to be pissy about?)
One thing’s for sure: When it comes to New Jerseyans, you always know where you stand.
And if you don’t like it … well …. read between the lines.
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